Lindsey, 17 and unmarried, came out of the clinic just a little shaky after her abortion. “It really wasn't as bad as I expected,” she tells her friend who was waiting for her. Several days later, however, Lindsey began to have crying spells. She couldn't understand why. After all, she should be happy that she would not be saddled with an unwanted child at such a young age, right?
Joan, a 35-year old married woman, let her husband persuade her to terminate her recent pregnancy, stating that having a child at their age was not a wise choice. Afterward, not at all sure she had made the right decision, Joan resented her husband for weeks.
Since the abortion law reformations some 40 years ago, women have been seeking legal abortions across the nation. In the beginning, New York City was the only legal place to obtain an abortion, with more than half of its clients coming from out of state. Today, abortion clinics are located in nearly every state. The women mentioned above are just two of the thousands of high-school girls, young women with jobs, and married women of all ages who are experiencing unexpected emotional reactions before and after their pregnancies are ended by abortion.
If it is performed early, abortion may be comparatively painless, swift, and routine, but it is also likely to give rise to complex emotional responses that can be painful, prolonged, and decidedly not routine. Women often aren't willing to discuss their abortion experience once it is over. Some say that they want to forget the whole thing as quickly as possible. Many never return to the hospital for their post-abortion counseling appointments, or, for that matter, for their four-week medical check-up. These factors make it very difficult at present to gather and collate information on how women adjust after their crisis is over. Studies in this area are not usually too valid because a woman sometimes wants to avoid a confrontation with her feelings and may deny any adverse reactions.
Despite the confusion and inadequacy of scientific data, talks with women who have recently undergone abortions – and information offered by social workers, private physicians, and hospital and clinic personnel – reveals definite impressions and reactions.
Naturally, each woman has her individual way of meeting problems. Her response will depend on her psychological makeup, emotional health, family background and a multitude of factors surrounding both the pregnancy and the actual abortion. Although abortion may be her escape, she may find herself with some of these responses:
RELIEF
“I feel as if I'd been rescued from drowning,” signs a mother of four. “Maybe now I can fill the needs of the children I've got.” And a 15-year-old wept, after her abortion, “At last I can see a future for myself.” Another woman, age 25 and facing life-threatening health issues, said, “I was so afraid that I would die if I tried to carry this baby. I wondered to myself, 'what will happen to my kids if I die? Who would care for them?' The fact that abortion was available to me was a real relief.”
Before the law on abortion was changed, a girl's anxiety was almost overwhelming. At that time she would often fall into the hands of the unskilled, unscrupulous abortionist. Or, she might have made dangerous attempts at self-abortion, or might even faced suicide as her only out. The word “abortion” itself was a clandestine, whispered, back-alley word. A girl today can feel relieved as well as comforted knowing that she will be in good hands, more so when she sees people are trying to help her rather than condemn her. This is not to say that condemnation does not still exist, but it is less today than it was 40 years ago.
INDECISION
At some hospitals, a one week “cooling off” period is advised if a woman comes in before the 10th week of her pregnancy. During this time a social worker helps her to explore her feelings and weigh her decision carefully. A woman who rushes to an abortion clinic after a fight with her husband may want to get an abortion immediately. Yet, after she has “cooled off”, she realizes that her decision had been made in haste and anger. There are times, too, when a girl is persuaded by her boyfriend or mother to “get rid of it” when actually she wants to keep her baby.
Decisions that are made against the woman's will can cause her unnecessary anguish. A widow in her late thirties with two adolescent children married a divorcee who also had older children. When she became pregnant, her husband was adamant about not wanting any more offspring and, as she later said, “he pushed me into an abortion.” Soon after, her husband died and the woman's depression was mixed with anger and bitterness. She said, “I wanted his baby so much. He took away what would have been mine and his, and now I have nothing of him.”
When women find others in the same boat, they are likely to share their feelings more openly. Their remarks reveal deep struggles and inner turmoil. They'll argue with themselves, that maybe they could have had their baby, got a sitter during the day, and went back to work. The unmarried woman will quickly add that it would ruin her life or ruin her career. A waitress who needs a job to support her ailing husband may say that she gave up her baby through abortion, when so many women can't have children at all.
Occasionally, a woman changes her mind and decides to go through with the pregnancy. This decision is more apt to occur between the 12th and 16th weeks of pregnancy, when gestation is too far advanced for a vacuum aspiration, or a “D and C” (dilation and curettage), but not advanced enough for a “salting out” (replacing amniotic fluid with saline solution to induce miscarriage). If a woman has already felt “life” within her, her decision to abort may be even more painful.
Whatever the decision, doubts always remain. Parents sometimes admit that an initially unplanned, unexpected or unwanted pregnancy has often turned out to be an especially loved child. However, if a woman is going to err in either direct ion, it is better that her err be in aborting. If she regrets the abortion, she can usually have a child at another time. But if she has regrets after the child is born, it can be damaging to both child and mother.
GUILT
With abortion laws being liberalized across the United States, why do so many women undergoing abortion still experience such distressing guilt feelings? A woman often projects these feelings through typical remarks such as, “I felt that everyone on the street knew that I was going for an abortion,” or, “I'm just sure that my boss knows. What if he found out?” Sometimes a woman is certain that the obstetrician will turn her down at the last minute or scold that “You should never have become pregnant!”
These feelings of guilt are largely a built-in response. We live in the Western world with a value system based on Judeo-Christian beliefs that you destroy a life when you destroy a living sex cell. We have been brought up with this cultural and personal morality, and people cannot change a value system overnight, or even in one generation. Consciously, we may at times believe we are not bound by this moral system, yet our unconscious minds know better. As legal abortion becomes more widespread and more a matter of government policy, with diminishing relation to moral issues, the impact of guilt will perhaps decrease. Today's preoccupation with the dangers of overpopulation has already alleviated some of the guilt and has helped women to rationalize their decision. There will always be a degree of guilt for every woman, however, regardless of her reasoning.
ANXIETY AND FEARS
Fears of anesthesia, pain, bleeding, and infection are often expressed. At other times, anxiety and fears are reflected by strain and tension on a woman's face. Often a woman has read of gruesome abortions performed in a dirty and dark room, or she has heard of the occasional mishap that can occur in any surgical situation – including childbirth.
Many are frightened that having an abortion will affect their future ability to bear children. Women may wonder if they will die as a result of the procedure, or if they will become sterile. It is possible, through reassurance, to dispel a woman's fears. But obstetricians discourage repeated abortions. In Japan and other countries where abortion serves as an alternative form of birth control, some studies indicate a high incidence of premature births, with all its chances of mental and physical defects. Also, repeated abortions tend to weaken the cervix, contributing to possible miscarriages.
Despite the advice and information about contraceptives given to women following their abortions, many will again become pregnant, and again want an abortion. This woman, very likely unmarried, may have unconscious needs for continued self-punishment and self-injury, to atone for guilt feelings, possibly in connection with having had sexual relations. In addition, she may be discharging hostility not only toward herself but toward the unborn child, the father of the child, or even her own family.
The repeater may also suffer feelings of loneliness and emptiness. She then wants something inside her that seems to fill the void and make her feel comfortable. Or, the pregnancy may compensate for feelings of loss in her life. Her pregnancy may alleviate feelings of worthlessness. She feels now she can create and produce; she is valuable again. Unfortunately, as she notices the changes in her body, she suddenly realizes, “But I can't take care of myself, so how can I take care of a baby?” Then she wants to end her pregnant state again.
It is essential that such a woman receive psychiatric assistance to help her understand her behavior. It is useless to supply her with contraceptives, which she will use carelessly if at all, until she becomes aware of the significance of her actions. Deep-seated emotional problems that are related to, but not caused by, the abortion often surface at this time and can be treated.
DEPRESSION
A number of women who have evaluated their abortion experience admit that it was one of growth and maturation, but others admit to feelings of depression, tiredness and malaise, which last a few days or more. Some women worry about crying constantly, even though they can sleep through the night. Others may comment that they feel as if they have lost a part of themselves.
Surprisingly, even a woman who has a therapeutic abortion (performed for the sake of her health) often feels depressed afterwards. The let-down feeling, the sense of loss, is much like the 'blues' that mothers often experience a few days after their baby is born. The depressed feelings are a result of separation, which we all share when we lose anyone or anything close to us. And what is closer than a woman's relationship to the growing fetus? The longer she carries the fetus, the more difficult the parting. At times, the abortion revives unconscious memories of the loss of a loved one earlier in life. Finally, the abrupt hormonal changes can also cause symptoms of depression.
Women need gentle understanding to preserve their dignity and self-esteem during the abortion. In some locations, a humane approach to meeting a woman's emotional needs is provided. During the appointment, the prospective patient fills out a lengthy questionnaire that delves into her medical history and her feelings about the abortion. She is also given the chance to talk things over with a counselor or doctor's assistant, usually a woman who has had an abortion herself. The same assistant stays with the woman during the operation, talking to her, maybe even holding her hand. Afterward, the patient is provided with a doctor's “hotline” number to call should any medical or emotional problems arise when she returns home.
But abortion is not always the solution to an unwanted pregnancy. Sometimes an unmarried woman will go through with her pregnancy and then give up her child for adoption. And sometimes she wants and needs to keep her baby. She can do so and still earn a living providing she receives supportive community services, support from family or friends, and has a strong head on her shoulders.
Abortion should never be used as a substitute for contraception. Wise family planning is a necessary part of community education. Family life education and sex education should emphasize both the joys and the responsibilities of sex – responsibilities toward oneself, toward one's partner, and toward the future child.
Sources:
My experiences while volunteering in a family crisis center
Personal experience, specialization, and education in the field of Psychology
Personal experience, specialization, and education in personality analysis
Personal education, experience, and specialization in mental health
Personal education, experience, and specialization in social sciences
Personal education and experience in marriage and family relationships
Personal education and experience in anger management techniques
Personal education and experience in child development